To the lost friends | Janne Honkonen | Professional profile and official site - Janne Honkonen - Official pages of the Janne Honkonen, visual artist

To the lost friends

[en]After a long long pause, I finally find myself again writing articles to my site. Although 90% of my smart home projects at stalling right now because more important things need my attention, I thought of writing an article which has waited to be written for several years. The title of this article is “To the lost friends”. This article is dedicated to my dear friends Kimmo Ruotsalainen and to Lasse Kivelä, friends who I lost all too soon. First by death, latter by my idiotism.

Prelude

People who know me, know also the fact that I am not the easiest person to live with and I have nothing to say against that judgement. I am, as of the soul and of the mind, very, very challenging friend. This might be because of my artistic nature or because just because of my damn straight-spoken outrageous character. What ever is the reason for people leaving from my vicinity, this article is dedicated to all of them, to my all friends-who-were and to friends-who-still-are, even somewhere faraway there.

Friends from childhood

I did not had many friends as a child- this was mainly because I liked solitary although I remember longing for more friends. There were no many kids of my age where I lived and as a introvert person as a child I disliked leaving home, so I stayed home. For few rare friends I had, counts one girl Mari, who lived on the same street as I. I do not have much of memories of her, other than I played with her as a kid, yet still, this small piece of paragraph is for her. Thanks for being my friend.

Friends from childhood to teens

As a teenager, the amount of friends was not too big either. I was badly bullied at school which was both cause and effect of my retreating into loneliness and feeling discarded by people. Still, there were few individuals who kept my light shining in the darkness of my lonesome. Specially, there were few good guys at my secondary school during my teenage. First, and most important memory goes of Kimmo Ruotsalainen, a good dude I spent my early teens with.

We had our own games and things, and I still consider him to be one of the most important friends I had during my early teens. Later, as an adult, this poor sap ended up with bad people, and died on the snow after some sort of OD either from booze or drugs. I still miss him. We had our thing, and I shared with him my ambition of designing and filming our plays and games with my father’s video cam. My friend Kimmo – you still have and will have my respect and friendship where ever you are.

Friends from from teens to highschool

I had a bunch of school buddies, not really friends, but rather guys I spent few spare hours in highschool with. They were nice dudes, although I do not remember their names anymore. We played poker and other card games between class hours. In addition to these guys, I found few very good friends with who I spent also several after schools and later nearing towards year of 18 we also went drinking together.

I started to spend time with Heikki-Pekka Noronen on my teens, a kind of similar character like me, but much driven towards being successful and popular, which in the end drove him to make choices caused me to have great disrespect towards him. One of these kind things were revealing hurtful information of our common friends just for him to get something to talk about and to get him into center of attention. I really did not consider him as an asshole when I was younger, and not even still, in the speaking of manners about friendship, I still don’t but I consider him to be spineless, if nothing more.

My personal hatred towards Heikki-Pekka comes from the fact, that years ago I loaned my very dear computer to him, A Commodore 64, which he never returned – a real gold star of my childhood and very important keeper of my memories. He still has not returned it, and if there will ever be chance to smack him hard into his face, I will not be surprised if I let my fist to speak– unless of course he returns my dear computer and his honor on my eyes.

Other very important friend was Markku Utriainen, a true friend, with who I spent weekends and days of my teens and early adulthood doing everything- We had our gaming sessions, we spent time seeing movies together, shared our thoughts and problems. He was a similar introvert guy with similar problems as I had. We had our adventures in the woods, abandoned and empty cottages, jokes, computer sessions and so much more. A true friend who I still value a lot.

We have not kept contact because we live faraway from each other, but he still is one of the most important friends I have ever had.

Friends from highschool towards

After highschool I went to a additional adult educational school which was aimed for people having highschool graduation. Although I missed that last one studying three (3) years in highschool but got it hanging by thread because my math and swedish sucked, my parents got me studying in 2.5 years long computer studies course in adult education center called POKE aka Pohjoisen Keski-Suomen Oppimiskeskus.

There I first time in my life got several very good school friends and actually felt being part of the study group. There were several good guys from true nerds to semi-nerds and although my memory does not serve me so I could remember all their names, here are the few I remember:

  • JP – A funny tall guy, your regular local Jerry Sienfield
  • Kimmo – Your old-school warez/BBS nerd from the golden ages of computing

There were also lots of other good guys, but because of my personal prosopagnosia (face-blindless) and little off-working memory, I can’t remember their name.

Also special nod to a good friend from that school class, Markku Hämäläinen, who I spend long hours doing electric studies, gaming and also time off-school. He was cool and funny guy and we spent lot of time together also. Spent almost three years studying with him in this school and learned to appriciate his friendship. He also taught me quality gaming like Silent Shock 2 and to like new bands like Eppu Normaali. Although I do not know of his doings nowadays anymore, my good memories of friendship still remain. A good guy with good attitude.

During this time I befriended with a guy who first was my employer, but later on became a friend, Mika Leppänen. He was and believe still is, a good guy. We started hanging together after I did some graphics designing to him, and later on I became his online- and computer handyman who handled all kind of software of web development. We spent time together planning and designing things and had a ton of fun. We also few times spent drinking together and had fun. I still remember his drunk karate-kind-of-lessons. Still sorry for your hand.

He moved aboard after few issues with finnish taxes about his online gaming company, which is too bad because I miss him. He’s been trying to get in contact with me few times but with my memory I suck being in contact and forgot to reply as well as to keep contact. Mika, you were and still are, my friend.

From schools to army

After 2.5 years in adult education school I spent next six (6) months in army. In Finland we do not have option do we want to be part of the military service or not, and not going either results either ending up in the jail because of declining from service or spending 1.5 years in civil service, I went to army, generally, because that time I thought people going civil service instead of military service were pure pussies.

Army time did not raise any specially good memories, mainly because I was packed with few true assholes after our basic training. During our basic training season in army there were a room full of good guys, similar little bit introvert persons like me, whom names for my great sadness I do not remember, but there were few individuals who I do remember. One of them was this musician, who played his acoustic guitar like a god, and was specially good playing fantasy-themed acoustic music. He was a nice guy all together.

There was also this other guy also, whose name I do not remember, but he and I were teamed in a special army division with this third guy, who was a total selfish asshole. For more sadness, I do not remember this friendly guy’s name but I, for my sadness, I remember the name of the asshole. Yes. That’s you Jerry Ylkänen.

From army to university

After army I got accepted in to the Finnish University of Applied sciences in Seinäjoki. This ment few things: First, I moved from my home city to over 200 kilometers to another city, Seinäjoki and abandoned my roots. During my six (6) years living in the Seinäjoki, I got studied, did several jobs, finished my studies and started a family but most of all, I had a lot of friends.

When I first started studying in university, I lived in a student housing in the area called Törnävä, few clicks from the city. There, I formed a friendship with people I shared my housing as well as with people I studied with who also, as to happen, lived near me. Here is to you, my friends:

  • Rane – Rane was good big dude who was studying in the same university but in the different section of it. He was a funny guy with great trivial information about military vehicles and of particular TV-series, like Knight Rider. He was a great neighbour and a very good guy who I miss. After our school department moved when to bigger study complex was completed, I did not see him as much as I had wanted. This is for you Rane – I still consider you as a good friend.
  • Ari – Ari was one of the close friends during my university because we studied a lot together as well as went to drinking together. Although on the later years after our study groups splitted and we each went in to different study groups, we kept less contact, he was a good friend.
  • Arska – Although Arska never was the most cleanest or organized guy, he was a good fella. I spent many good days of summer going to the city and burgers with him and also gamed alot with this guy. He was a fun and original dude who I remember as a good friend.
  • Harri – Harri was a fitness dude among our friends. A really swell guy who never got pissed and always was a good company. He is the one I wish I had given more attention and respect because even when I was an asshole and not a good friend at all, he still kept in contact and kept me as a friend. A real stood up guy and a good friend.
  • Ismo – Ismo was a case of his own personality. He was a nice guy, very talkative, but nice, who was a part of our bunch. I feel, now afterwards, that we dissed him too much because, well, he talked, and talked, a lot, yet I think he was a good friend.
  • Jarmo – Jarmo was one I feel I dissed the most, and I do not know even why. He was a nice dude who was part of our group but I feel it kept him distant and I felt he was not welcome, although he never really dissed me. Feel bad for that. Still remember him as a friend.

Together with these guys we formed Team Törnävä, a bunch of guys who spent time together, drank together and studied together. I really miss those times a lot and had a good time together with them. I suck at keeping touch, even in the time of Facebook and Twitter. If you encounter me, say Hi. I might not remember you at first, but it’ll all catch up.

During and after university

During university I got employment from Lasse Kivelä through Mika Leppänen, a friend I had. I originally hated the guy, but then, after few bumps and new projects, he became my friend and we spent both locally and online several and again several hours together planning business and doing business together. I can’t even count how many websites we released online, whenever it was an online modelling agency, marketing sites or mobile auction, we did it all. And it was fun.

I also spent few times drinking with him and have nothing but warm memories of him. This friendship is the one I feel sad for, because our friendship got broken after I had severe stress issues and poured several very bad words towards him. I could try to justify them that I was a young man with bad temper or I was too stressed but the fact is that I was an asshole and I regret any bad words I have said towards him. He got very upset of my words and this makes me feel very sad.

Second sad fact is, that I really do not remember what I even said or wrote online about him, but whatever it was, it most likely was stupid. Friends are rare commodity. You should never lose them. Sorry Lasse for upsetting you. If you ever want to contact, I still consider you as a friend.

Other important persons in my life

There are also several other important persons in my life who I consider to been or still have as a friend. Here is a short-ish list of them.

My wife Nana Honkonen. She first was an online acquaintance, an online enemy to be exact, who became an online friend, after that a good friend, a loveable and caring friend, my best friend and eventually being the love of my life. She still is, and always be, my best friend. I love you wifey.

My father Viljo Honkonen who I spent endless hours of gaming with together, doing projects, doing woodwork, helping with housework and doing several other stuff. Even though I was, and I think, still am, a hard case of a son, he has never stopped loving me and caring me. I consider my father as a good friend of mine.

My officially step-daughter, but in my heart full-daughter, Linda Myllyharju who came into my life along my wife. Even though for a 25-year old single man who wanted to date girl he loved and not a family where 5-year old was a centerpiece, she became as a thunderstorm and won over my heart and love with her ever-loving care for me. Although over later years after she became teenager, her caring and loving is not as outcoming as a younger child, I still love and care about her a lot. My only sadness is the regret is that I was not prepared to care her as much I care nowadays when she was younger and was not a father-figure she would have deserved. Love you still a lot kiddie. We have had a great fun together. You are my good friend.

My son Väinö Honkonen, who was born to Nana and me, is a young thunderstorm, a living and noisy version of me and of my wife. He’s my doppelgänger, a mini-me, both in good and bad, and has both of nature of my me and of my wife. He’s a loveable wildfire who taught me to be a father and also cherish my caring towards my step-daughter also. He’s still young while I am writing this but I consider him being my good friend and I wish when he’s older that he can say same thing about me.

*

© Janne Honkonen - www.jannehonkonen.com