Somebody whom I cared a lot died few days ago. It was a person, whom’s death I thought would not touch me so deeply as it has done. It was my wife’s mother, my mother-in-law.
For people to understand her meaning to me, we will go back a little bit.
I have always lived a life where I do not need to be too attached to people around me. My motto has always, or was, that “I do not need anybody and can leave anyone behind me if they start to annoy me too much” — It was my life’s guideline which I held several years from my teens to my young adulthood. This guideline started to shift slowly after I met my wife and eventually had kids with her- then it became a sentence “I do not need anybody expect my family” which then carried on for the upcoming years.
I met my mother-in-law now about ten years ago, and did not like her. Yes. It is a legendary situation when a man does not come along with his mother-in-law. I though she was annoying, self-centered and simply should be in same direction and distance where Australia is to me: in other side of the globe and a looong way from here.
I guess, thinking of all this during now in the aftermath, that all my best relationships with people have started ferociously. I originally met my lovely wife, the love of my life, online and went head-to-head with her. I thought she was the most annoying, stupid and idiotic girl I have ever met and kicked her out from the forum I hosted. Afterwards, this woman eventually became my friend, my best friend and finally, the love of my life.
Kind of same situation I had with my mother-in-law. My opinion towards my mother-in-law was not the nicest after the very few times I met her I though she was coarse, loudmouthed and had no manners of anykind and during the years I met her with my wife and family several times in different kind of situations I eventually grew “dear enemy” kind of relationship with her. I did not really dislike her, but I was not too fond of her either.
It was several years back when I really started to see the real person behind my personal assumptions of her after she helped me and my wife in our of our important project– Her simple devotion towards her children and grandchildren, her openess and consideration towards others warmth my heart towards her and I really started to see that the hideous troll-ish relative I though I wanted to keep faraway became a gently, loving mother, a grandmother and a mother-in-law who I liked a lot.
In the past few years, I really became terms with her and considered her a one of the best relatives I knew, to be one of the rare few, perhaps the only one outside my family and of my blood-relatives, who I authentically liked a lot and actually cared. My original life’s guideline was more or less scrubbed on this point.
Her health varied from bad to good during few past years and she fighted with the cancer who in few times seemed to go into remission and then appeared again. From the beginning of the year it seemed that she had won the fight and in few past months tumors started to go away after a situation which looked frightening. Then, after being sick for several weeks, when went to a checkup because of her evenly increasing breathing problems and did not come back.
It is very hard to me to write about this person, of her death and of her disease, because I have not lost anybody I cared about and was very close with during past ten years. I lost my own last grandmother few years back, and even though it hurt a lot, it did not hurt this much because somehow I had not interacted with her as much as I did with my mother-in-law. I little bit feel like a betrayer-of-my-kin because I feel sadder towards my mother-in-law than my own grandmother, but then again, as I said, I had used to keep people out of my life and of my heart.
My dear mother-in-law lost a fought towards her cancer in last week and died in the hospital. Before day of her death, she was visited by her children and some grandchildren along with my wife and my daughter. Although I have a very hard time to go to see anyone who is about to die, I wish I have had the chance to be there also but I had to stay home to be with our very young boy whom we did not want to burden with the issue or with the long day’s trip to the city where she was.
My mother-in-law was a good person, an open and very straightforward good woman, who loved her children and her grandchildren very much. And whom I loved as I would love a very good friend or a very dear blood-relative. Whatever gods there is out there, take a good care of her and let us see her when the time is right. We.. and I miss you very much dear mother-in-law. You were very important person to me.
She is survived by her two daughters, a son and seven grandchildren. Rest In Peace.